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"Greetings, you've reached Ekkehardt Gehring. If you're listening to this, I'm probably busy. Try again later, or leave a message."
EKKEHARDT GEHRING
UN: HEMLOCK
© TESSISAMESS
"Greetings, you've reached Ekkehardt Gehring. If you're listening to this, I'm probably busy. Try again later, or leave a message."
EKKEHARDT GEHRINGUN: HEMLOCK
STATUS: Graduate/TA. School nurse assistant.
ACCOLADES: I graduated from this academy 22 years ago. I've been rather boring otherwise.
BIO: I'm here to help treat whatever injuries you children can't just bounce back from. Try not to get into trouble.
no subject
He puts the report flat on the table. ]
Now, is there anything that you particularly disagree with? Point them out. We'll go through them. [ He'd heard Toki had an outburst when he was given the diagnosis. He hopes this will help. ]
no subject
I'm not sure like exactly what these two are- [he points to the diagnoses of schizophrenia and DID.] They like tried to explain it and it didn't make any sense because it was just saying everything that's ever made sense to me was wrong. That does- am I saying this right!? Like I've always felt I'm not here here half the time and that's suddenly like a problem when it's been forever!?
[He stops himself there for a minute, and stares at the other two things listed. He doesn't think he panics as much as people say he does, but he will admit that there's some level of it involved. As for the last one, psychosis and mania- no.]
That's wrong too! I don't...
[He's going to cry, so he moves on to the rest of the report and just circles things with a pen so he doesn't have to talk. The sections being the notes about what he considers excessive medication, as well as the inferences that he shouldn't be allowed legal control of any decisions. After he's done, he's calm enough again to speak without crying.]
I agree with... some of it, I guess.
[He has realized he's a danger to himself and others, courtesy of Yuya's explanation and incidents at the hospital.]
no subject
As for your autonomy - while we may supervise you closely, we won't be taking your rights to make decisions away from you. You are still a human being, and you should be allowed to control your own life and make decisions where appropriate.
[ He glances over the diagnoses. ]
Schizophrenia and DID mean you perceive things differently from other people. It's something you've clearly gotten used to, but this kind of detachment can result in problems for you.
[ He taps his fingers on the table. How to explain this without sending Toki spiralling into another panic? ] Let me ask you a question, Mr Rikugou.
When you feel like you're not really here...does it feel like it doesn't matter what happens to your body, because you don't feel connected to it? Do you have thoughts like that, or similar to them?
no subject
[Toki nods. The seizures are his main issue as well and he will not protest anything relate to that. He knows he was going to have to take some of the medications, but it's a little reassuring that Ekkehardt agrees it's too much. His relief is short-lived with the seemingly encouraging comments on autonomy until the very end. A wave of apprehension descends and he gives in to the urge to shout in dissent.]
Where appropriate!? That's just saying whenever you decide, isn't it!?
[He claps his hands over his mouth immediately after he yells, taking a couple deep breaths before continuing. Screaming never helps. He has to remember that.]
I'm sorry. You probably didn't mean it that way.
[He's moving right along into the next topic; but it's not what he wanted to hear. Ekkehardt's asking the same types of questions the doctors in Soleil did.]
Kind of. It's like... it's hard to explain, because I tried to tell them what it's like and they don't understand because they don't like know what's it like! Sorry. I'm just- okay. When this happens, it's kind of like a sudden change in what's happening, but not really? Like I don't... exist on the same plane of reality or in the same space as other people and I can't- connect? It happens a lot and more now than it used to... and I don't know why... and it's- I wonder if I'm dead sometimes, if I ever was alive, if I'm existing at all or like just- how can you tell?
[He doesn't know if he's actually said anything useful, but he tried.]
no subject
If there's a decision to be made regarding you, when it comes to your treatment, or what happens to you, then you'll always be asked first.
You may have to accept there will be other people involved in that discussion, occasionally, but it won't be made without your consent. And you will never be put in a situation where that ability to make decisions is taken away from you.
[ He listens quietly. Toki knows more about his condition than anyone else does right now - he's living it, after all. So he doesn't say anything until he's finished. ]
Is that something you find acceptable, being so uncertain about your existence? Do you always want to see the world this way?
[ It doesn't sound like a situation that anyone could be content with, but who knows. Mostly he just wants to know how Toki feels about the whole thing. ]
no subject
Do you promise?
[It's a very deep seated fear; he has so little control over things, the idea of any more taken away is confronted with dread. He's finally given in to tears at the last questions.]
No. No! I want- I want to know what's real! I want to see what everyone else does! I don't want to question everything all the time because I don't know! Sometimes I see it and I know and then it's gone! Can I get a restraining order on another student!?
1/2
Then we'll try different medication, and some different ways of reaffirming your senses so you can tell yourself what is real, and what is not.
We may have to look into a few different methods before we find one that works for you. But there are certainly ways that you can bring yourself back to reality again, or at least to a state where you don't feel so uncertain.
[ As for his other concern...
He taps his fingers on the desk again, thinking, before he reaches up to his 'hair', untying the ribbon he's chosen for the day to keep it in place. It's a dull, plush black, made of velvet with a distinct texture.
He holds it out to Toki. What he does with it isn't his concern, so long as he keeps it. ]
I give you my word. Keep this as a reminder of my promise to you.
2/2
no subject
Okay.
[He thought he was done crying, but it starts up again at Ekkehardt's gesture. Toki takes the ribbon and looks down at it, trying to compose himself. It's soft, like the stuffed cat had been. Ekkehardt always cared, he just didn't realize it because it was a foreign concept.]
Thank you.
[He'll wear his uniform more often now, to use Ekkehardt's hair ribbon in place to the school issued one. He will treasure it.]
I, um... [Maybe blurting it out like that had been the wrong thing to do, but...] Okay so, not like- I mean, he didn't do anything, really, or maybe, but I don't- Kano confuses me and I think he does it on purpose and he lets me like pull further away from things and I'm trying not to talk to him anymore, but like... there was this kid... at the hospital and it wasn't Kano but I think it was Kano because he was trying to make me think different things!