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"Greetings, you've reached Ekkehardt Gehring. If you're listening to this, I'm probably busy. Try again later, or leave a message."
EKKEHARDT GEHRING
UN: HEMLOCK
© TESSISAMESS
"Greetings, you've reached Ekkehardt Gehring. If you're listening to this, I'm probably busy. Try again later, or leave a message."
EKKEHARDT GEHRINGUN: HEMLOCK
STATUS: Graduate/TA. School nurse assistant.
ACCOLADES: I graduated from this academy 22 years ago. I've been rather boring otherwise.
BIO: I'm here to help treat whatever injuries you children can't just bounce back from. Try not to get into trouble.
no subject
The words stick in his throat, even with that compulsion to tell the truth on him. Not that he can't respond, but there's much to say to that, and his words feel inadequate for it. ]
I'm not that fragile. You hardly have to...-- you won't. [ He doesn't feel this is enough, so after a moment, he continues. ]
I don't -- know what I can do. To..to reassure you of that. [ His mouth twists a little, his expression rueful. ] I keep thinking about it, but I go in circles...
I'm--...You'll have to give me a hint, at least. As to what you want.
no subject
Maybe if he just... What was it that Héctor said again?]
I want... I want you to think about how it feels when you die.
To me. Not to you.
[ugh]
You know what I mean, right?
[He doesn't have to go on?]
no subject
I can't say I've ever had to think about that sort of thing before coming here. [ So many entanglements, a net in part of his own making.
It used to be so simple. It was a tool, something that was...just something he could do. Something that had drawbacks, yes, but not this way. And now, there's all of this... ] But there's -- a first time for everything, I suppose.
I can -- I will try. To be more careful, with...things like this. [ He can't say anything more reassuring than that. He can only be honest.
He is flexible, changeable, in many ways. In others, he's unbending. But he can't make promises that he doesn't mean, not to someone who means so much to him. ] Is that enough?
no subject
[It slips out before he can stop it, the magic wrenching it out of his throat and making him wince ever so slightly once he hears himself]
Yes?
[He groans.]
Look. I'm never going to be okay with you dying. I'm not. But trying is... okay. I guess. I can work with trying, so... yeah.
[He crosses his arms and looks away.]
It works.
no subject
I can't-- The choices I make, what I feel I have to do...all of that...
I can't-- change those things. Not...even for you. [ He sounds like he's in pain, almost. ] If I could make all of this easier for you, then...I would.
[ Could he compromise something that's so fundamentally a part of him? No. He doesn't think he'd be the same without it. He wouldn't be himself any more. ] But I can't.
If that's not -- if I'm not -- enough, then...I understand.
[ The compulsion forces it out of him, and he hates it. It's not something he ever meant to say. But it's there now, and he can't take it back, because it's the truth. It's something he thinks about more and more, ever since their argument, going in circles.
He sounds tired, but more than that, he sounds sad. It's a vulnerability he rarely displays.
He can't bring himself to look at Avery, either. ]
no subject
[He sounds disgustingly desperate]
You're the best thing that's happened to me in four hundred goddamn years! If you think I'm going to let you go that easily, your brains really have rotted in that skull of yours!
no subject
But he's just himself, so what comes out of his mouth as he sits bolt upright again and takes his hand away from his face is: ]
It's not as if I want to let go of you either! [ UGH ] I don't go around dying for just anyone, you know!
And on that subject [ And here he gestures wildly, and his sentence is just a runaway train he absolutely cannot get off at this point ] I hope you don't think even death will stop me from coming back to you, because it won't and if anything tries to stand in the way then it gets to learn what a bad idea that is!
So! [ ANOTHER WILD, AMBIGUOUS GESTURE. ] There!
no subject
It's leapt out of his chest and run off somewhere or else is beating so heavy and fast that it ought to audition to play drums for some heavy metal band.
And despite the fact that he's reasonably certain his vocal cords have been tied up into a neat little bow, he still manages to get out:]
I have never wanted to kiss you more than I do right now in this moment.
no subject
Words are fluid and can be bent into all sorts of meaning, and actions speak louder than anything he might say; that's what he's always believed. So he stands, finally, closing the distance between them (which finally does feel like there's much less than before), and cups Avery's face in his hands, threading fingers through his hair.
It's a delicate, gentle touch; something vastly different from all the terse, painful words they'd been exchanging moments before.
There are a lot of things he could say or do, to bring things back to how they usually are. He could be teasing, or expectant ("Well, what are you waiting for?"), or sharp; or even impatient enough to take the intiative and kiss him himself. It's not like he hasn't thought about it (embarrassingly often), though he's tried not to dwell on it for too long. Daydreams are daydreams and work still needs to be done.
What does come out, though, is none of those things, because in the end Ekkehardt is aware that Avery, in some ways, was robbed of choice, and this is too important to trifle with. ]
Please.
[ Being vulnerable is terribly difficult; the more practical parts of him, the ones with no room for hesitation and little room for error, class it as a great risk.
But there's an undertone of quiet longing to the word that is impossible to miss. ]
no subject
If there was no spell on them, he might be more hesitant, quicker, shorter, but it's there and it's been four hundred years since he's felt like this toward anyone, and Ekkehardt couldn't be more perfect than he is right now.
And so he reaches out and pulls him close and peppers him with kiss after kiss after doting kiss.]
no subject
His hands drop to Avery's shoulders, fingers tightening in the fabric of his jacket. (Even now, he's careful not to cling too hard, partially because he doesn't want to accidentally ruin his clothing, partially because he doesn't want to exert too much physical pressure...all sorts of reasons.)
If there wasn't a spell in place, he'd pull away, find some excuse, probably, not wanting to impose too much or even accidentally push at Avery's limits.
But there is. All he can do is be thankful they're alone right now, because he doesn't want to do anything else, anything in the world, except kiss him back, and so he does.
Kissing won't solve the tension between them; it's not a magic wand that makes every issue vanish. But it's warmth he'll gladly provide for someone who's been starved of it for four hundred years, and a type of affection that he'll treasure - so for right now, it's more than enough. ]